30 Oct

Missing My Guru

My Guru has just left. We just completed 49 days of prayers and practice for him. I was thinking how it would have been if he is still around. If you open the photo in big view, you can see our Kyabje Khamtrul Rinpoche Shedrub Nyima there as well. I had a mixed feeling seeing this photo. On one hand, I was very sorry to see my Guru there and yet he is not here now. On the other hand, I was moved to meet Kyabje Khamtrul Rinpoche there among many Rinpoches. He must have received profound teachings and empowerment from Trulshik Dorje Chang. So we are now spiritually related under the care and love of Guru Dorje Chang.

Looking very closely, it could be his last public group photo. I was missing him very much seeing this photo. We all have to pray that his wishes will be fulfilled, so that every being will be benefited, whatever wishes there are. People are talking a lot about his reincarnation to be coming back swiftly, which is also one of the things that has to be prayed for. Most importantly, as disciples, we have to fulfill his wishes, whatever needs to be done, be it coming back to this realm or into other realms. Those are his divine activities, we cannot predict and tell. From our point of view, we just have to fulfill his wishes. If we don’t know what are his wishes, we should practice the Bodhicitta.

Most of us are like this, when the Guru is around, we don’t appreciate. In fact, sometimes they doubt the Guru’s intentions and sudden change of mind. Sometimes they even feel that Guru is controlled by someone or some groups. I don’t think that any Guru will follow blindly the suggestions of his or her students or friends or even be controlled, especially so-called Gurus like us, we are living in modern time, there are technologies that we are very familiar with. So we have different kinds of eyes to see and know many things. Sometimes a Guru’s instructions are taken with a big fuss, because he didn’t give the instructions directly, he went through some people. Not that others cannot believe, but because of misunderstanding and of not having genuine devotion, there are doubts about Guru’s wishes and there are a lot of jealousy and pride.

I am quite expert in understanding this sort of situation, because 45% of the things they say and do are driven by emotions, especially jealousy and pride. This is why many of our Gurus left us prematurely. Harmony means mutual understanding and communication, and not pretending to be harmonious but actually hiding a lot of negative impressions of others. If the mind is negative, everything is negative. If the mind is positive, everything is positive. You cannot hide forever. You have to be honest with yourself. Positive mind has to be developed through understanding that every phenomena is empty in nature. Friends are empty, enermies are empty. Don’t talk, don’t listen and don’t misunderstand. Most of the suffering we are going through is created by our own misunderstanding. If someone is saying bad things, don’t encourage, discourage if you can, if they don’t listen, avoid them if you cannot cope.

The funny thing is that I know almost all the things that are happening everywhere, even though I don’t have the sense of wanting to know. I respect others’ privacy a lot!

It’s difficult to maintain Samaya because doubts, jealousy and pride are flying everywhere. Instead of having rains of blessings, we have rains of emotions everyday, every moment, every second. We cannot control our mind, so our speech and actions say and do things funnily. When we are working for the lineage and our Guru, we have to understand that our self interest has to be put on one side. Whatever best serves the lineage and the Guru even if there is spontaneous improvement and change, we have to do it. Some people think, “Ah! He is just a Guruji, he doesn’t know how to do this, he doesn’t know how to plan this, he doesn’t know what to do. We know everything. He should listen to us and not the other way round.” So Guru is now considered to be samsaricly stupid, then I think you better not to take refuge in the Guru. Guru will have less worry and less burden. Great news for Guru! Omniscience means clarity state of mind that can see and know everything. Our own pride and ego block us from accepting this, so we miss every chance, every life.