There was a saying that Sey Rinpoche was the reincarnation of the 11th Drukpa. A photo from Apho Rinpoche that I just received suddenly reminded me about this saying. In fact, I would be so happy if it were to be that way. I guess I would be released to do what I would like to do most. For example, by now, I would definitely be staying in Bhutan doing different sorts of things. Maybe I have become somebody's father, minding my own business. Unfortunately, because of my beloved guru His Holiness the Dalai Lama, who recognised me as who I am now, I have no words to say, because I have no idea how these things go about, and they are very hidden from ordinary beings like us. We have to depend on the divine beings.
It would be very good for our lineage if Sey Rinpoche were the chosen one, because his father's activities were flourishing in Ladakh and especially in Garsha. Therefore practically, it would have been very good if Sey Rinpoche as the son of Apho Rinpoche can take the role of Gyalwang Drukpa. From time to time, I see it this way, and I have this kind of feeling, because I know such kind of heavy responsibilities is not suitable for a carefree and disorganised person like me. I think my spontaneous personality makes it more difficult to take this position. Since unlike most of the lineage heads who have plenty of resources to unload on their colleagues and organisations, I have nothing to unload, I only have the sense of sincere responsibility to help this lineage that I have been recognised into. I also feel very sorry that I think we all, my colleagues and everyone, have to work hard to support each other. The lineage is too beautiful and too heavy for one incapable person like me, who is fooling everyone with the outlook of so-called "leader". Actually I am nobody. If this reincarnation of mine were to be chosen by election, I would definitely not be the one sitting here. There will be more capable, wealthier, more organised, more resourceful, less last minute person, and everyone will be happy, because funds will rain from the sky, resources will rain from the sky. Sometimes I do feel like that.
I seldom say this sort of things. It is quite sad that a spiritual lineage like ours has to worry so much about mundane issues. However, if the lineage can benefit beings, we as the holders have to work hard to sustain and support the lineage. In a way, I am extremely fortunate that many colleagues are supporting each other to make sure that our lineage will not fade prematurely due to mundane and strange reasons. For example, Sey Rinpoche and I are such good friends. He has that much of strong wish to help the lineage, through his good relationship with me. We are there to support each other morally, although neither of us could support each other materially. In this degenerate time, becoming a genuine spiritual guru is a hard life. We don't want to fool our students and friends because they rely on us for enlightenment. If we mislead others in order to get mundane success and gain, we have to go to hell. Not only we sacrifice others, we end up sacrificing ourselves.
Some foreigners ask very strange questions to my organisations, "You are Buddhist organisations, you should be practising generosity, you should be kind to others, you should give discount to poor people like us, you should be giving us free food, and so on so forth." In fact, I was surprised to notice that even some volunteers were asking this sort of questions. Some volunteers said that they have given up their jobs, their houses and their families to come and work as volunteers, we have to feed them, give discount and serve them. In my mind, I am always thinking that my volunteers who are my students or friends are definitely better off than me and my colleagues. They may only have one or at most 3 children and parents to take care of. Each of us has at least a few hundred of monks and nuns that we have to feed one day. So that means spiritual guru these days has to teach, make a living and worry about volunteers needing to have discount and free food. I always thought volunteerism means you know that you are coming in to volunteer voluntarily. We should never force ourselves to volunteer if we are not ready. Then all kinds of conditions will come and block us from receiving merit, and forget about blessings. Before we say that we are poor and we need help, it's better to know what is our motivation and whether it's because of our stinginess which is blocking our opportunity to accumulate merit, or we are genuinely poor. I always say that offer what you can and don't offer what you cannot and then regret. Regretting after doing meritorious deeds is a negative karma. Being a volunteer also means that you need to have more tolerance, more understanding, more patience, more compassion and more wisdom, it is not a VIP ticket for special treatment. I think our organisations unfortunately are yogi organisations, volunteerism is a practice of Bodhisattva if you have the correct motivation and no expectation of special treatment. In fact you have to endure more hardships. Merit cannot rain from the sky, one has to earn it. No pain, no gain!
Also, looking at this picture, I noticed how very special the relationship between Yongdzin Rinpoche and myself was. Even though he was not good in external behaviours, he was very naughty, he didn't allow me to be naughty. He said to me very clearly, "If you do what I do, I will not see you in this life and lives to come." This meant a lot to me. It meant that he really wanted to come back in his next life to help me. Even though his old routine was not that disciplined and well behaving for some strange or divine reasons, deeply he said these things with so much love and affection to me and the lineage. He wanted me to look after the lineage, so that lives to come he will return again and again to support me. So no wonder, his reincarnation came back in my world.
As you all know, we had just finished a great retreat with my friends and students from Drukpa Americas. I was thinking that we don't have that many practitioners in Americas, so I was pleasantly surprised to see that many serious practitioners. The atmosphere was totally blessed by all the sincere students. I think that has to do with the silence vow. If we are able to keep silent even for one hour in a day, we will be able to develop our own insight much better than what we are managing to do it as it is right now. This is because most of the time we are wasting time gossiping about others' behaviours. Along the way, we also waste a lot of energy. People who gossip about this person, that person, and then hoping that these people whom they gossip about will not know are very naive, words will go around and at the end, they will be left with no real friends. So those of you who are looking too much outside, take this opportunity to look inside yourself now. When your inner self becomes better, all external things will naturally improve.
I want to thank Khamtrul Rinpoche who gave a wonderful teaching and I was able to have a few hours of rest everyday to finish my other parts of busy life before traveling for Asia Tour. I am in fact very proud that Khamtrul Rinpoche is turning out to be a very good teacher, even though he said that the credit goes to me, because he heard me teaching and learned the skills from me. That is a very nice thing for him to say. His ability actually comes from lives and lives of developing his own mind and performing beneficial activities for others. As you all know, all of his previous lives were great masters and great holders of our Drukpa yogi lineage. In a way, there is no surprise, he has spontaneous skills of leading people in the right direction and giving such a great teaching. Ignorant people like us sometimes feel very surprised how he developed such skills in a short time. By the way, he is a leading a walking pilgrimage in Bhutan. I don't know where they are right now at this moment, but he was asking me to give him and his group blessing. Let us wish all of them a great and wonderful time.
We are now preparing with 108 nuns going to Vietnam and Taiwan. Almost all of these nuns are going abroad for the first time in their life. I hope all of my friends and students will give them and this journey great support. We all should be mutually supporting each other. Although they are nuns, I think generally people should see them as ordinary girls. We should not see them as beings with special or extraordinary abilities, because this will exclude yourself. This journey is to show that every woman has the potentials to do what our nuns are doing. This is the purpose of taking them out for a tour.